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07 April 2011 @ 03:44 pm
I'm just going to put that out there. I just read this over. I think I had three posts in 2010, and just a few more in 2009.

Life is good. I'm really happy. I can honestly say that for the first time in my adult life.

Amanda and I are getting married. This July 17th. I'm really, really excited about it. This is how I know it's right. I didn't feel pressured to do it. I want to help plan it, and I'm excited about planning. When I proposed, it completely surprised her. We had talked about getting married some day, but not any time soon. We went out to the property her family owns to watch the stars, and I proposed while we were freezing sitting on the dock on the lake. She was so taken aback she asked if she could push me in the lake.

We moved out of our Lakecity apartment in the fall. It was great, and we loved the neighbors. It was just too far from our friends and family, and with the dogs and fostering we do, we needed a house. We found a house in Highland Park. It's...amazing. It's got 3 bedrooms, plus a sunroom connected to the back yard. We use the sunroom for the dogs. Their crates and stuff are all in there, and it's where they hang out when we need a break from them or they come in all muddy. It's so nice. The drive to work is nice, and most people we know live within 10 minutes or so.

I'm still working for Trupanion. Still love it. I was promoted to a customer service senior a couple of months ago. I just applied for a newly-created lead position as well. My manager is accepting applications from the team until next week, and then there'll be an interview process. It's certainly not a for sure thing, but I feel fairly confident about it. I really hope I get it. I really like the company, and would love to grow my career there. I'm also tired of entry-level customer service. After 6 years of experience, I think it's time for some advancement. Also, no ego here, I'm really good at what I do, and deserve it.

It's been three years now since I started my transition. February was three years. I can't believe it's been so long. I'm so different now. More confident. I don't think it has so much to do with a man vs. woman difference though. I think it's just being more comfortable in my own skin. I'm envious of people that get to experience that their entire lives. I looked over some pictures I saved to document stages. I wish I'd made an effort to document things. I made a choice not to. I didn't think I'd care. Now that it's too late, I do. I'm so glad I finally started my transition, and have come out so well on the other side. The depressing part is top surgery. I'm no closer to it now than I've ever been. I get along alright without it, but man I'd like to do it. It's upsetting that it's so expensive and insurance companies refuse to pay for it. I know some day I'll get there, but so far it feels like one of those unrealistic some days.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Something Corporate
18 January 2010 @ 05:01 pm
So...long time no update. Lots has been happening.

Things went all to hell at my house. Jeremy pretty much decided Amanda is Satan, and was the root of all of his problems. He kicked her out of the house at 4am, after trying to throw a chair through my wall, and kick down my door.It was rediculous. It all started because she asked him to be quiet at 4am, when I had to be up for work at 6:30. A few days later, CPS got called on Jeremy and the kids, mostly over the events of that night, but also due to the general state of things. It was pretty scary. I never met the worker, but talked to him a couple of times. He gave me mixed signals about whether or not I needed to be concerned. Heidi took the boys to live at her aunt's house though, so the worker never had to come back to the house.

I got a new job. I wasn't making enough money at the daycare, and there were concerns about the business making it through the winter. I interviewed for this job, and had a great feeling about it. They called me and told me they loved me, but there were people with more preferred experience, and asked if they could call me if something else opened. I said sure, but didn't put much stock into it as that gets said all the time. The next morning they called back and offered me a temp job. I said sure, thinking Amanda would get my job at the daycare, and we'd both now be working full time and everything would be awesome. It didn't excactly happen that way. It became obvious pretty quickly that Amanda wasn't going to get my spot at the daycare. Just after the holiday rush they actually fired her. Neither of us was exactly surprised, but still not good. Especially as my temp job was set to end the start of February, and I had quit the daycare. To top all of that off, we found an apartment and had plans to move. Needless to say, we were both pretty freaked out. I had good feelings about my new job from the start. I made sure to express plenty of interest in sticking around. I was catching on quickly, and the supervisors were all impressed. Plus, things just felt right. After a couple of weeks (maybe a week after Amanda lost her job), they offered me a permanant position. The great thing, is...pretty much everything. Great pay, great schedule, benefits, and I like it. It's exciting. I work for Trupanion pet insurance now. In an office. Joe has an office job.

Amanda and I also got an apartment. It's up in Lake City, which is super convenient for the new job. It's in Ballard. The apartment is great. It's upstairs, right on the end. It's cheap. It's small, but not tiny. I think perfect for our herd really. We could use some more space, but not desperately. I'm so excited to be living with Amanda, especially after the whole thing with Jeremy hating her and not really getting to see her for three weeks. Alex has his own room again too, which is great. It's only been two days, but I think he's really enjoying it. He's got his race car bed back, and we're working on decorating his room in a race car theme. All of our furniture matches, and fits just right. We got a stellar deal on a tv, dresser, and some awesome couches. It's all really nice. I had to change Alex's preschool, which I'm not exactly thrilled about, as I loved his old school. I got to tour the new school, and it seems really great. I think it'll be good, but it's still kinda sad.

Things are all really falling together. I'm really happy.
15 December 2009 @ 12:31 pm

Things are going well.

FINALLY potty training Alex. He's been diaper-free for a week now. Basically accident-free since Thursday. He had one this morning. He woke up while I was in the shower and didn't take himself potty. Which is understandable as he normally gets in trouble for leaving the bedroom. He felt so bad, which I think is a good thing. It means he's getting the idea. I told him it was ok, and we went and sat on the potty for a minute.

Amanda and I are moving next month. A good, good friend is giving us the hookup. We're getting an apartment in North Seattle. I'm so, SO excited. Financially, it's do-able but a bit tight. We're both looking for new jobs though. I had an interview this morning. It went well. I think I got it. It would be good in many a-way. If I leave the daycare it's pretty sure Amanda will get my job, then things financially will suddenly be a lot different.

I'm excited for Christmas. A little stressed, but mostly excited. I have several people to still buy gifts for still. I've done the important stuff though. I got Alex completely taken care of. He's totally spoiled this year. It's good though. Last Christmas was pretty lame. I got my nephews presents too. I'm concerned about Christmas with my family. I got Alex a lot of stuff. Jeremy hasn't done any shopping for his kids yet. I don't want Alex to have all of these presents and the boys have nothing. I know it's not my responsibility or anything, but it still sucks.

I guess that's it really. Excited about where life is heading these days. I'm happy.
07 December 2009 @ 11:30 pm
On the twelfth day of Christmas, iisolie sent to me...
Twelve queers drumming
Eleven scrubs texting
Ten dogs a-cuddling
Nine cartoons bartending
Eight tattoos a-parenting
Seven deftones a-reading
Six piercings a-painting
Five ci-i-i-ivil rights
Four star wars
Three empire records
Two pinball machines
...and a veganism in a glee.
Get your own Twelve Days:
13 November 2009 @ 12:56 am
You're the sky that I fell through
And I remember the view whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warmed over everything

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine
And your sighs harmonize with mine
Unmistakeably, I can still feel your heart
Beat fast when you dance with me

We got older and I should've known
(Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone
(Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
(Bombs away, bombs away)

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all 'cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed
If the sun rose up from the west
Flower balm perfume
All my clothes smell like you
'Cause your favorite shade is navy blue

I walk slowly when I'm on my own
(Do you feel alive?)
Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone
(Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
(Bombs away, bombs away)

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all 'cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home
09 November 2009 @ 01:13 am
Journal is back to public from now on. Past entries will stay friends-only because I'm lazy.
09 November 2009 @ 12:48 am
So, I frequently want to post. Pretty much every time I read my friends page really. I just don't know what to write about.

Alex is doing well. He's growing up so fast. It's really come to my attention recently. He's almost 4. Who can believe that? Not me. He's in preschool now. He loves it. It's been really good for him. His speech has come a long way in the short time he's been in the program. He's doing speech therapy too. I've actually been working on the adoption the last couple of months. Having issues with the homestudy portion though. The woman pretty much has issues with everything about my life. Where I live, how much money I make, that I'm trans, that I'm a procrastinator, that I have pit bulls. Is that it? I don't remember really. It's pissing me off. I know it's her job to examine my life and make sure it's suitable for Alex. The thing is though, I'm the only parent he's ever really known, my family is the only one he's ever had. If he's not with me, where will he be? Will doing that to him really be better for him than being in my care? I'm a good parent. I'm doing a good job. I'm not perfect, I know, but no one is. I'm a much better parent than so many biologic parents out there. They can fuck up their kids tremendously without getting them taken away, but when I'm doing a good job, it doesn't seem good enough. I'm working on my life. I'm looking for a better job to make more money. When that happens, I'll have my own place. When I can afford it while still being able to provide for him. I'm working on my procrastination. Really. It's hard to break a habit you've had your entire life. And the dogs. That really pissed me off. This woman doesn't know a THING about the breed, and was full of pre-conceived notions. It's in their blood to be people friendly, but not dog friendly. Mine have been around kids and other dogs their ENTIRE lives. I'm trained in dog behavior. And, to be honest, if I EVER thought my dogs weren't safe around my son, they'd be gone. I hate to think it or say it, but it's true. I wouldn't take them to the pound or anything. I'd find them homes, or take them to a rescue, and it would absolutely be a last choice. Nothing comes before Alex's safety though. Plain and simple. It's just fucking stupid. So, I'm preparing her extra references, some from people like his doctor and speech therapist, I got letters of recommendation from my bosses for the dogs, I'm going to send her info about the breed and the AKC Canine Good Citizen test (they're both certified), and I'm trying to get ahold of my lawyer about this bunch of bs. She's not returning my calls so far though, which pisses me off just as much.

Work is....complicated. I love my job. It's casual, enjoyable, and nice mostly. I've become pretty good friends with Steve. We hang out occasionally, and talk a lot. The money is just terrible though. I'm struggling now, and my rent is only $200/month. I'm never going to get out of here making that kind of money. Plus, with the economy the business is struggling to get by. Winter is notoriously slow for them, and things have already drastically slowed down. I'm concerned about the business making it through the winter. As much as I love my job, and work for really awesome people, I just have to find something else. I need to make more money, and I can't be afraid the business is going to go under any time. So, I'm looking. Cautiously. If I'm going to leave a job I enjoy, I'm not going to do it for just any job.

Living situation isn't even worth going into really. Too many kids, too much annoyingness and partying. People staying for long periods of time, but not living here. Sara and Justin moved out. Things are better since they're gone, but still suck. The place is pretty much falling apart too. I'm moving as soon as I can afford it. I applied for this AWESOME job, and hopefully will have an interview, or at least a call for an interview, this week. If I get it, I plan to spend the next six months or so saving and paying off some debt, then moving out. If I can I want to buy a foreclosure house, but if I can't, I can't. With the menagerie I have finding a rental is really going to be a bitch. I'll deal with that when I get there I suppose.

Aman and I are still going strong. We've had our rough spots. I thought we might break up a time or two, but we pulled through it. I really like what we have. She makes me really happy.

Yeah. Not sure what else to update on really. Requests? Feeling out of the loop on something? Wondering about something else? Let me know, it'd be nice to have some leads to follow for posts.
14 June 2009 @ 12:00 am
Today was awesome, but went a bit too late I think.
12 June 2009 @ 12:51 am
So. A few days ago, I decided it's time for me to learn to stand to pee. Things like the men's room are becoming increasingly awkward. So, I thought maybe I'd buy one of the numerous STP (stand to pee) devices out there made for the trans guys. Great theory, BUT the one that research pointed towards, is $50+shipping. Ouch. They're all about that price really. In my research however, I came across DIY instructions for making one and decided that was the way to go. So, yesterday before and after work supplies were purchased. Aman came over after work, and we got started. It took a bit of jimmy-rigging, and it's a bit of a Frankenstein creation, but we got the plumbing bits finished last night. PLUS I got a few practice tries in, with surprising success. Today all we had left was the outer realism-adding housing, and putting it all together. It took some effort and help from Lala, but eventually we got it! I tried the finished product for the first time just a few moments ago. It was incredible. With how much it didn't go well the first time I tried a simillar method a few years ago, I'm surprised at how well it's gone this time. Being a guy seems to come really naturally to me. It's weird. I can't wait to pee on a wall or bush or something, and to not need a venti cup for late night drives to the beach. Heck yeah.

I also did my shot tonight. Went well. I think I figured out the stinging issue I've been having.

There's a ton going on that I probably should update on, though I really don't feel like it. I never do, which is why I haven't.
04 June 2009 @ 11:56 am
So. The boss at Petsmart gave me quite the run-around. So eventually I told him we should just agree that this weekend would be my last and make it easier on everyone. Which he agreed to. So, Saturday is my last day. I can't believe it. I'm happy but a bit sad too.

The new job is going well. I'm working my ass off for them. They're impressed and appreciative. That's the best part. When I do good, they tell me. They appreciate me. Petsmart has almost never made me feel appreciated. And when they're unhappy with something, they come to me in a constructive friendly way, and we fix it. Isn't that how a job should go? They're going to start training me on outside jobs tomorrow. Dog walks, etc. Then after this week I'm going to be Monday-Friday and full time. It's awesome.

I bought a new digital camera with my tax return. It's awesome. I'm still figuring it out, but I just got it yesterday. I need to get a new un-crappy laptop though so I can actually do stuff with the pics I take. That'd be nice.

Heidi (brother's babymama #1) got evicted yesterday. So the two kids of her's that are Jeremy's are staying with us indefinately. It kinda sucks, but at least it's not all 4. When it's just two at a time I can deal, but all four make me nuts. Her two cockateils are here too. Zim is trying to eat them.

Speaking of Zim. She got out and took off yesterday when Jeremy got home from work at 6am. I *just* got her spayed like a week and a half ago. Thank god. I was worried. She came back though. About midnight last night. While Aman and I were....in bed....talking.

The house-buying class didn't work out last weekend. Patch's son was sick so they needed to stay home. Lala and I were going to go, but they didn't get my email to reserve our spots, and no one else signed up so they canceled the class. Plus Aman had to work. There's one this Sunday in Eastlake that I'm going to try to go to. I'm sure we'll find one some time.

I've noticed something weird about my shot. When I'm really consistent about doing it on time, my moods get funky. But, when I suck about it, and do it on a wacky schedule I stay pretty sane. At least it seems like it to me. That's so weird.